This Place Without Feeling II

My heart is breaking,

and my head aching,

a gasp of grief taking my breath away,

as you lay there in death,

I stand here bating my breath,

thinking it can't be true,

but the person I see,

laying in front of me,

is most certainly you.

I wish that you would speak and sigh,

 and tell me it's all a lie.

only a prank or notion,

to determine devotion,

but no sound do you make,

as I attend this Wake,

and thus the irony of the name,

because you never speak nor stir,

nor return to the way you were,

although my life has completely changed,

somehow now that you're gone,

I'm expected to find strength to carry on,

Strength to weather the coming storm,

but my strength use to come from you,

you were the light that would guide me through,

You were the light switch for my brain,

the voice of reason that kept me sane,

The one love in my life that I considered true,

There will never be your equal,

no wait for an upcoming sequel,

The twin to my soul  has died away,

Now who will I tell my secrets to?

There will never be another you,

not in this place without feeling,

not in new loves with hearts so cold,

nor in the stone cold hearts of old,

When your heart stopped beating.

I unraveled too,

You were my glue,

As I stand here falling apart

truth be told,

I lost a heart of gold.

You were my heart,

And I am left here to wonder why?

The good ones are so young to die?

As I stumble tear-blind to the door,

As my heart falls to the floor,

As I mumble my last good-bye. Victori ©

My Excuse

My excuse,
I didn't get enough lap time, 
at the age of two,
I was evicted from my mother's lap,
and had to learn quickly, 
how to walk on my own two,
It wasn't an eviction, really,
It was more of an interruption,
that should have been 
accompanied by the announcement,
"We interrupt this regularly scheduled lap time
to report a reality check life
don't always go the way we dream,
and can quickly become a nightmare,
or a running daymare."
"You don't always get what you want,"
like the song from the Rolling Stones, 
and life is more like a rolling stone 
than a box of chocolates,
and as the title of the album suggest,
maybe we should just let it bleed,
but does a rolling stone bleed?
Where is its beating heart?
Does it care? Does it harbor
any resentment that its lap time was interrupted?
I used to cry easy because tears,
were the only thing that came that way.
Easy.
My feelings were tangible, and could be
cut with a knife, and easy was
a foreign object that got caught in my throat,
But when you are forced to 
abdicate your throne at an early age,
You learn how to quickly put on 
a thick armor, and toughen your skin,
How to choke back tears,
and throw deuces to the wind,
How to face your adversary,
eye to eye,
with a mad dog glare,
and how not to cry.
How to walk through the valley
of the shadow, with chin held high,
How to survive,
How to dodge their taunts,
How to duck their blows,
How to ignore their wants,
For what are those?
something you can't always get,
until you get inside and close the door,
and fall with relief and a fit of tears 
to the floor, and hug your knees,
and give that little lap-time less girl,
what she really needs!


Victori ©

F R E E D O M

F R E E D O M

I'm at a place, near a lake,
No sound,
But the buzz of bees,
And birds chirping in many trees.
I drift into a trance,
Outta sight and outta mind
Where colors whir,
And butterflies dance,
No sight,
But colors of natures canvas,
I'm at a place where the breeze laps my ears,
Like a newborn pup,
With wagging rears,
No touch,
But the feel of love,
And all thanks to the one above,
No smell.
But the jasmine's of this place in bloom,
and the drift of pine,
a fresh scent that clears the mind.
No palate,
But like a burst of plum,
On a hungry tongue,
The juices run,
The sweet, sweet taste
Of F R E E D O M!

victori- ©

Just Pray

Just Pray!

I can recall back in my youth,

when momma would tell me “just pray.”

‘Cause prayer changes things, “she’d say.”

and though I knew it as truth,

still had to do things my way.

“Cause I thought I had time on my hands,

the will of my mind,

could make my own plans,

supply my own needs,

just follow the signs,

and go where life leads,

I’d get a head start,

I didn’t need directions for life,

I knew it by heart,

I could spar strife,

bring struggle to it’s knees,

Could duck the blows that  life swings,

This was my life,

I’d do as I please!

I had time by the wings,

But time isn’t a pet,

it won’t sit when you stall it,

You can’t command it to stay,

It won’t come when you call it,

It won’t walk at your heel,

Time’s a strange bird,

it has it’s own will,

and will fly away,

so stop for a moment,

and consider your path,

listen to God,

let him do the math,

let Him pull the strings,

just fall to your knees,

let him lead the way,

“ And Just pray, cause prayer changes things.”

Victori ©

Fall Forward, Spring Back

Icy faces press, against my windowpane,

wearing smiles of chilly glinter,

snowflakes, who star-struck strain,

to catch a glimpse of winter.

Showers fall, bounce and trod,

upon a trampoline,

of brown and rusted sod,

who will oil its spring?

The sun spreads its restless arms,

to embrace the earth in slumber,

heat entreats a sure alarm.

wake up! Move over summer!

A leaf stumbles from a tree ablaze,

as the chill beckons a warning call,

the leaf blushes amazed,

who will break it's fall!

By Victori 1992 ©

1940

Searching this census,

of lives dearly departed,

peering through windows of the past,

tracing back to where we started,

Keeping up with the Jones's

Shepards, Henrys, Hollands,

Tidwells, Lindsays, Owens,

Lees, and the Bass,

Rear facing, riding shotgun,

on a train going backward fast,

Tear tasting, reunions with family,

who thought their dreams,

were bound to last,

Past tracing, like sci-fi,

searching with a passion for the past,

to find love ones 

who refuse to die.

victori~ April 2, 2012 ©

An Obstacle Course

Head over heels,
vaulting the poles,
jumping through hurdles,  
skipping the holes.

Scaling the walls,
swinging the ropes,
slithering the crawl,
sliding the slopes,

from worse to better,
from better to worse,
in this together,
this obstacle course,

Neither side taking first,
then after all these years,
of not going to win,
of not going to place,
of nothing to show,
but tears on a face,

we've drawn the line,
it's the end of the race,
we're just marking time,
let's stop running in place.
it's time to go!

victori~ 2010 ©